Sanctum
by SurpriseSushi
Summary: I felt like I was going to die. I wanted to die. He was my friend, my brother, and he betrayed me. Spat in my face and flung me to the ground. I can't, I won't forgive him. A One-shot, suggested RemusxSirius


**Sanctum**

A Harry Potter one-shot by SurpriseSushi

_**"Didn't you say that you were different, didn't you? -**_**...I am, I am.**_**- ...Say you aren't that person, say it. -**_**...I am, I am!**_**-"**_

_**- Let the Monster Rise, Repo! The Genetic Opera**_

I stumbled through the door, throwing my cloak to the side, not caring where it landed. I walked on right through to the bathroom, and I fell into the room, barely able to grip the sink to stop me from smashing my head on the toilet. As I steadied my feet, I looked up into the mirror, looking into my own eyes. I turned the knob to begin the water flow, and pushed the plug into the hole at the bottom, water quickly filling up the sink. I dipped my hands into the water, and splashed the cold liquid on my face, mixing with my warm tears. I rubbed my face raw with the cloth that was hanging on the metal bar near the tub.

I could still see the house in my minds eye- or rather, what was left of the house. One of the walls had completly crumbled to the ground, and the windows were smashed. I remember stepping through the open doorway, stepping on the door that lay forgotten on the ground. The table was overturned, chairs scattered about the disarrayed kitchen. That's where I found James, his empty eyes staring up at me. I almost broke down right then and there. His wand was not too far away from him, I picked it up and curled his fingers around it. I wandered up the stairs, and turned into Harry's room, hoping, praying- Fruitlessly. Lily was sprawled near the babycrib, her arms around a small bundle. I walked over, and pulled the bundle away from her tight embrace. Harry's bright green eyes stared up at me, finally wrenching the tears from my eyes. There was a lightening bolt scar on his forehead. I carried him out of the wreckage, and was met with Hagrid. "_Give 'em to me, Remus. I'm takin' 'im to 'is aunt an' uncle's. 'E'll be jus' fine there, trust me. Dumbledore will be looking out for 'im._" I handed him Harry and without another word apparated home.

I pulled the plug and turned the water off, looking into the mirror once more. _Is this really happening? _I turned and left the bathroom, falling the the floor quite unexpectedly. I pulled myself up without missing a heartbeat, almost robotic. _Why would he-? _I walked to the entrance hall, glancing quickly around the room for my cloak, deciding I did, in fact, need it. _I can't stay in this house. I need to go... away- far away from here- _I grabbed the cloak, pulling it on, and opened the door.

He stood at the door, a look of pure terror on his face. I stared at him, feeling the rage slowly build inside of me. _How dare he show his face here. How dare he- _"What are you doing here-?" I finally choaked out. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?! Get the hell out." I pointed to the door, refusing to look at his face. _He make me sick. He makes me sick! _"GET OUT!" I screamed, finally pulling my wand out of my coat. " I don't want one of your false- _disgusting_ excuses, you bastard. " I yelled when he opened his mouth, surely going to try to explain. _Or one of your petty lies_. I aimed my wand between his eyes. " Not a word out of your mouth. Turn around, and get out."

" Remus- ...Remus, please," He stretched out his hands towards me, but I gripped my wand tighter, my knuckles becoming almost pure white. "God- you have to believe me, Remus! I didn't- I didn't do it- Why would I?!"

"Shut up- _shut up!_" I cried. _I don't want to hear him. I don't want to hear him_. "_You_ killed them, Sirius! You killed Lily and James, Sirius! What on earth could you have to say to me? ...or did you come to finish me off? Then prance off to kill Peter, too? Is this some sort of sick-... twisted-... _fantasy_ _you have_?!"

"You don't understand, Remus! Remus, please listen to me!" I shook my head, my hand shuddering, my wand still pointing at Sirius. "Remus- _Moony! _Moony, you have to listen, please, God, I don't have much time-..."

" Don't you call me that_, murderer!_ Don't you dare call me that_, you fucking prick!_ I told you to get out. Get out, get out, _get the hell out!_" I advanced towards him, stopping when my wand brushed against his face. We stood there, silent for a few moments. "I wont allow you to explain, because I know... All it will be is another lie, _Padfoot!_" I spat the name out like it was poison, trying to make my hand stop trembling. "Get the fuck out _now_, or I swear," I flicked my wand, opening the door behind him, and I saw him wince. "I will not hesitate to kill you,_ rip you limb from limb_." Tears were now falling in steady rivers down my face, my hand shaking terribly. I couldn't stop them, and at the moment, I was too angry to understand why I was crying.

As Sirius spun around and his coat tails disappeared, gone without a trace, I fell to the ground, my wand rolling from my outstretched fingers, reaching for the man who betrayed James. Betrayed Lily. Betrayed Peter. Betrayed Dumbledore. Betrayed the _entire_ Order. And betrayed me. _How could you even look at me after this? How can you look at me with those sunken eyes? Eyes begging for me to trust you- _I sobbed quietly, never moving from that spot. It wasn't until the next morning that I was awoken and I realised I was still on the floor, right by the door.

Alistar Moody stood there, one of his eyes whirling, his other staring straight at me, questioning, but gentle. "Remus," He said, pulling me up after exchanging short words of greeting. " Remus, I have something very important to speak to you about, come with me." He walked into my apartment, into the sitting room. He sat down heavily on the great big armchair, and put his head into his hands. I followed, only deciding to stand, rather then sit.

"What is it? Did they catch him?" I refused to use his name. _I refused_-

"Yes, but Remus-" He raised his head, his eye spinning frantically, taking everything in the near-empty apartment in. "He-... He was taken to Azkaban the other day- last night, actually,"

"Good."

"Let me finish, Remus. This-... isn't easy." He stared at me, his eyes saying much more than his mouth ever could. Somebody died. Someone else has died. I wanted to know who. Before beginning, Alistar pulled a box out of his coat. "Before the authorities managed to get to him, he-... we found him, _in a crater_, surrounded by the corpses of twelve muggles, and all that was... left of Peter." He opened the box, and inside-... a single finger. _Peter's_ finger. I felt my heart stop as I gaped at the solitary finger, and I had to grab onto the near wall to stay standing. I gulped, trying to keep sane, physically trying to retain _some_ of my sanity. _How much more-?_

"Is-..." I gulped again, feeling something traveling up my throat. "Is that all?"

"Yes." He stood, and clapped me on the shoulder. "I hate to leave you, but I have to go deliver Peter's-... a package to Mrs. Pettigrew. If you need anything," Alistar moved towards the door. "I mean anything, Dumbledore has offered to stay with you tonight. To keep some of your demon's at bay." As he exited the apartment, he turned one final time and said "Please, Remus... just don't-... do anything stupid."

"Wait-... Alistar." I turned and looked at him, swollowing again, trying to keep it all down. "Is there... anything," I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. "Anything else, no matter how irrelevent? Don't hold anything back."

Alistar gave me a sad look, and sighed. "When we found him, in the crater..." He turned to leave. "the bastard was laughing." And he was gone.

_There_ was an image that wasn't going to go anywhere fast. In my mind's eyes, all I could see was Sirius, covered in blood, standing in the smoking crater. Bodies, exactly twelve bodies around him, and he held Peter by the scruff of the neck. Without a word, only laughter, Sirius waved his wand, and a stream of red flew towards Peter. Suddenly, he was gone, nothing but a finger remaining. I shook my head, trying to rid the ringing laughter that I knew far too well from my head. _Why would he do this?_ _To James? To Peter? To Lily? To... _I found myself on the ground again, unable to stand. I retched, the insides of my stomach tightening, and I gagged, liquid pouring from my mouth. _...me? _My head hit the floor. And everything went...

...black.

* * *

_**"If you can wait till I get home, then I swear to you the we can make this last(la, la, la). If you can wait till I get home, then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our pasts. Well, it might be for the best."**_

_**-If It Means A Lot To You, A Day To Remember**_

It was bright. Far too bright for it to be the inside of my apartment. My head ached, and my stomach hurt. Everything seared with pain. _What's happening to me? _I opened his eyes, and the brightness disappeared. I _was_ in my apartment. But I wasn't on the floor near the door, I was in my bed, and I wasn't alone. The man hadn't yet realised I was awake, so I closed my eyes again. _Was it all a dream? Please tell me it was all a dream. James is fine. Lily is fine. Peter hasn't been reduced to a mere finger. Sirius isn't a killer..._ I turned my head, facing the wall. I reopened my eyes, and realised how much my body was hurting. It could have been from the severe lack of eating... My stomach rumbled it's agreement, but I simply didn't feel like eating. Not only that, I wasn't too sure I could even stand up.

"Good morning, Remus." I didn't say a word in response, but I turned, looking at the man. His blue eyes shined behind half-moon specticles, looking at me filled with sorrow and pain. "I found you passed out near your front door. Gave me quite the scare, Remus." He sat on the wooden chair next to the bed, silent for a few moments. I pulled myself to a sitting position, so I could look Dumbledore in the eyes. After a long stretch of nothing, Dumbledore started. "You know about Sirius, I presume?" I nodded silently. _It wasn't a dream._ He was quiet for another second. "I went to see him yesterday," I made a slight movement, trying to seem uninterested, but I strained my ears, making sure I caught everything Dumbledore said next. "He had been there barely a night and he already looked frightful. Azkaban's dementors- just being there for a few hours made me feel like I wanted to _die_." He chuckled darkly. " I can't even imagine what it's doing to him."

" I don't bloody _care_ what it's doing to the murdering bastard." I said, glancing away from Dumbledore. "He-... He killed them, in case you forgot, Albus. James, Lily, Peter... Fuck- _He fucking killed them_. Don't give him pity- He deserves everything he's getting." I told hold of the bed sheets in fists, my anger spilling out of me violently. "I trusted him- we all did. Obviously the power-obsessed bastard didn't fucking care in the slightest about us, and decided to utterly destroy our realities, as slowly and as painfully as possible. He decided to kill them, and tear my heart out." Now I was simply babbling. Dumbledore's hand landing on my shoulder silenced me. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, and I shook my head. "...I loved him, Albus. I honest to God loved him. He was like-.. the brother I never had. All of us-... we were like a family... And now, I'm the only one left. The only one that's okay." I pulled my legs up, and rested my head on my knee's. "_Okay_? Who am I kidding. I've never been okay. I'm a-... _werewolf_,and I'm amazed I'm not the one who killed somebody. Somebody I loved. I wonder if he ever cared about any of us? _All these years_..."

"Remus," Dumbledore interjected, halting my accusations, halting my ranting. I looked up at him, and saw the deep emotions in his eyes. "I assure you he cares about you- I have something very important to tell you, Remus." He stood, and paced. "Sirius-... wasn't the secretkeeper."

I stared at him. "_What?_"

"James and Lily changed their minds last minute."

"Who'd they change to?" I was confused- _Who else would James choose?_

Dumbledore then paused. He pushed up his half-moon specticles. "It was Peter." My heart stopped. _Didn't Sirius kill him? Oh God- _"Sirius begged them to, but James wanted Sisirus to be the secretkeeper. He finally caved, though, and allowed Peter to be the secretkeeper. For protection sake, they didn't let anyone know, they didn't tell anyone. James, Lily, Sirius, Peter and I were the only one's who were the people directly involved." Dumbledore stared off. "Imagine-... Sirius is blaming himself for this whole ordeal, saying _he_ should have been the secretkeeper, saying no matter what happened to him, James and Lily wouldn't be- wouldn't have... Oh dear, he must be ripping himself apart- He wouldn't listen to me."

_What- Oh my God... But- What the _fuck_? I didn't know- I turned Sirius away, called him so many things, and said so many things to him... Sirius-... He's killing himself. Whatever happiness might have been left after he left here, if there was any, has certainly been sucked away... _"What about the muggles? Didn't Sirius- did he kill them...?"

"It was Peter. He killed them and made a break away, cutting off his own finger and tranfigured into the rat form we all know too well. The perfect escape plan, and he scurried back to his master, managing to throw Sirius into Azkaban to boot.. Right back to Voldemort."

"Voldemort-! I thought Sirius- I thought _he_ had betrayed us... So-... none of it was Sirius-? Oh, God... C-can we get him out of Az-Azkaban? Somehow- Cant't you tell them Peter was the secretkeeper? There has to be a way-"

Dumbledore shook his head. "In all the records, it says Sirius was Lily and James' secretkeeper. And that he killed Peter. There's nothing we can do. While I am very influential, my word hold very little ground in a situation like this." _Shit- shit, shit, shit, shit! _"Remus- you have to pretend I never told you this." _Huh? _"Please, Remus. In all honesty, I shouldn't have told you- But I couldn't do that to you. It's more- that you can't tell anyone. They won't _believe_ you." Dumbledore sighed. "I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do. For now." I looked up at him. There was that twinkle in his eye. "I can't promise anything- but there is a possibility that we can save him. In thirteen years time." He smiled.

I was going to ask, but I decied against it. _Albus wouldn't tell me. He'd just laugh. I'll just have to trust him. ...Why wouldn't I trust Albus? He's done so much for me. He accepted me into Hogwarts, despite my-... condition. _I smiled, and shook my head out of disbelief. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I was somewhat relieved. Sirius was innocent. And now I knew that. _Thirteen years, huh? Odd. _"Alright. I'll wait."

* * *

**End.**

**A/N- :D I love Harry Potter. I was re-reading an old HP fanfiction of mine when this idea struck me. I always loved fanfics about Remus and Sirius, as a couple or not. They're just too beautiful together. I, unfortunatly, have tried and failed, many times, to write any sort of lemon. Even just a slight romance crashed and burned. Dx So I didn't even try. Remus said he loved Sirius, but more as a brother figure than a lover. Just clearing that up. Is Dumbledore psycic? I believe so. HE KNOWS ALL. D**

**Due to the way the events unfolded in this fanfic, I know the third book will work out the way as planned, due to Lupin knowing more than he should. But I don't care. Remus now knows about Sirius not being the Potter's secretkeeper, and that he didn't kill those muggles. I like how this fanfic ended. :/**

**Well, I hoped you enjoyed it, and please review!**

**~SurpriseSushi**


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